Paella

Paella, was the alias of him
On my anonymous account in a Chinese social media

At first I just used
“the Spanish guy”
Until a net friend said
it makes her want to have Paella

Calling a Spanish Paella
is almost racist
Almost like to call a German Schweinshaxe
Or a Chinese Spring Roll

But that’s how much I know
About Spain
I even don’t know
What is this dish called in Spanish
after long time I used the Chinese word of Paella

The only situation I used this word
Was in this social media
To write about him

There are walls of language between us
walls of prejudges
walls of monogamous relationship principle

He grows wildly towards the sun
I am in the shadow he left

My words about him
are always secret
They’re hidden from people
hidden from rite
hidden from the physical world

In digital world
they are still behind the Great Fire Wall

wrapped in Chinese
under an anonymous account
and with all kind of alias

I was told
not to say them loud
but after hiding them long
I found I cherish these words so much
that I’m afraid other people to find them

They were part of me
He cut them from my body

Either they are not found
Or people try to place them back on me
In millions of wrong ways

When I was in Spain
I first time used this word for the food
Later I became vegetarian
And I lost my Chinese phone number*

“Paella” remained vain
I stopped to give it a meaning

*In all Chinese local social media people must login with a Chinese phone number.